Tonight i'm writing you a million miles away.... [entries|friends|calendar] shes got her halo and wings... [ website | lets pretend to be cool... ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[31 Dec 2019|01:23am] No-one can say that I havent got a sense of humour :D, though twisted, it may well be. Comment and all that jazz to be added... and yes lanky... this means you cant spy on my lj anymore... gutted? 33 flipped me over/ this is side one

[14 Oct 2004|11:08pm] Well done, u may have got around my friends filter for a while there, but im afraid i caught onto what you were doing, and as far more interesting my life may be compared to yours, i cant allow you to read anything i write from now on. I thought you had got over me but you obviously havent. I suggest you try harder to sever the ties with me, which includes not reading my livejournal via someone who remained on my friends lists account. Thank You, and fuck off... :D 19 flipped me over/ this is side one

[10 Jun 2004|11:50pm] again with the digs at holly via lj eh? i might have not grown up yet... but im obviously more grown up than some people. this is side one

[06 Jun 2004|12:33am] i know i said i want updating anymore, but yeah, i am, maybe just this one, i dunno... ive bene thinking a lot lately, because of all the arguments n that... and ive realised a lot of stuff.. all this shite we wrote in each others leaving books about keeping in touch n that... it really was all shite... fair enough for these next two years, but i know for one, that im moving in two years time, and ill see hardly no-one again.. and i couldnt give less of a fuck. some people will live in howdon all their lives, find someone, get married, settle down, have babbies, and ill probably see them ocassionally, and we'll talk about school times, and how daft we all were, but then thats it, id go home, and theyd go home, and id go back to my new mates, and wonder how those sorts of people were actually my mates... and realise that it was no wonder that we all argued so much. at school.. u make the best out of the people that are there... u dont pick ur mates, u fall together, and make the most out of it... we're all so fucking different, and its only now that ive sort of half grown up a little bit that ive realised it. of course u do have real mates, who it really would be heartbraking to lose contact with... but most people... i wouldnt lose sleep over. p.s ive turned comments off... for obv reasons.

[02 Jun 2004|12:38am] the new holly doesnt have a lj. thats it. the end. 5 flipped me over/ this is side one

[01 Jun 2004|10:16pm] im sick of all this now, and ive got to the point where if you dont like me.. i dont give a fuck. just dont talk to me... Forget me... its that simple... this is side one

[31 May 2004|04:34pm] right, so yes, when everyone was saying "people are changing".. that was directed at me, and i wasnt being paranoid. i dont think ive changed, but i probably have. everyones changed... our situation has changed... weve left school, started work n all that, so we're bound to change... and im sorry but i dont think talking about me behind my back is fair... Vicki and Maccy, no offence (dont hate me) but i think u two have a cheek saying ive changed, because to be perfectly honest (which the old holly always was) u two have changed most out of everyone. Maccy, u were terribly sociable, out with tha lads all the time, on msn until 4 in the morning, now u go as far as vickis... vicki, im sorry also, but i think ur more bitchy now than u used to be, and u'll both lose ur mates if ur not careful and both of u have changed, not for the worse, but not for the better either... sorry, but i have to be honest with you's... just as you's have been with me... (finally) so everyone can stop talking about me behind my back, and the msn names can all be changed from "everyones changing".. because I KNOW WHO UR TALKING ABOUT NOW. and i hope u all feel good.. because u all have made me (the new holly :|) feel like shit. 8 flipped me over/ this is side one

[31 May 2004|10:30am] im updating... basically because i have nothing else to do... i think i want to change my lj back to friends only, because im quite honest in here, and i dont want certain people reading it... i love dots... what is up with everyone saying that people are changing? i wish they would be specific, because i really do think theyre talking about me, yet i dont know how ive changed... i just wish people were a little more honest with me. well, we all went to the fish quay, with the exception of sarah lane who says i hadnt invited her. lets just not talk about that. it was fun anyway. lou n emz went to babysit, and me lee n faye went the opposite way round on the metro... we saw south gosforth and i thought of you klee :P then i swear i saw your double on haymarket metro station... but yeah, off topic. my room is cold, and im tired. i dont feel like myself, and i dont like it... i feel paranoid, i think everyone is talking about me behind my back and saying ive changed and how they dont like me anymore and its upsetting... i dont feel like holly... 2 flipped me over/ this is side one

[30 May 2004|01:53pm] [ music | alk3 :D ] i havent updated in a mission... went to the fish quay festival for a bit today to watch the bands (missed all the good ones by the looks of it lol)  spied on some sexual dudes... and came back to howdon to watch the lads burning stuff and playing football... *looks blankly* so going back to the fish quay tomorrow, anyone wanting to find me i will be the one looking ever so hardXcore in a skirt and flip flops by the stage :P just knock me out and walk me through that door.. for i have no desire to see through my own eyes anymore... loving the lack of exams this week like, and the prospect of overtime next week... MORE MONEY MOFO! more money to buy next skirts and flip flops and the likes... yass yass... wait until the summer when im working full time... £200 a week... i can buy more hot chocolates than u could EVER imagine lousie napier :P 2 flipped me over/ this is side one

[24 May 2004|08:33pm] "Nothing Gets Crossed Out" The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts. My head is a carousel of pictures. The spinning never stops. I just want someone to walk in front and I'll follow the leader. Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush. I started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs. I almost forgot who I was, but came to my senses. Now I try to be assertive. I'm making plans. I want to rise to the occasion, yeah, meet all of their demands. But all I do is just lay in bed and hide under the covers. I know I should be brave but I'm just afraid of all this change. It's hard to focus through all this doubt. I keep making "To Do" lists but nothing ever gets crossed out. Even working on the record seems pointless now. When the world ends, who's gonna hear it? But I try and take some comfort in written words, yeah Tim I heard your album and it's better than good. When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together. Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by...all those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting out time. Remember all those songs and the way we smiled in those basements made of music. But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought. So when I'm lost in a crowd, I hope that you'll pick me out. Oh, how I long to be found. The grass grew high. I laid down. Now, wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand. I have been laying so low don't want to lay here no more. I But if everything that happens is supposed to be and it is predetermined, you can't change your destiny. Then I guess I'll just keep moving and someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going. nothing could be truer to how i feel now... nothings going right, i REALLY want to be prepared for these fucking exams, everyone expects so much from me, and i feel under so much pressure... my mam n dad arent talking to me, me n sarah arent really speaking, ive probably failed spanish, and i feel like i cant do fucking anything about it... i dont give a toss, my brain isnt registering how important these fucking things are... i was in bed at 10 past nine this morning 20 mins before a fucking gcse? what the FUCK is wrong with me? ive got a job to apply for before friday, and three exams before the end of the week, and im sitting in my messy room talking about fucking.. llamas on the internet. my mam n dad are trying to make me sort myself out but its just not working, im slipping away, in the middle of my gcses... im going to be a failure, and i cant stop myself... i try to get up early n do everything right, and i just cant... on my to-do list.. nothing EVER gets crossed out. my "best mate" isnt talking to me, shes being bitchy, im being bitchy, its fucking not worth it anymore... nothing is... i want to stay here and be a waste of paint n tape and time forever... and never wash my hair and never move... and sink into the floor and stay there until al these exams are over and im not emo anymore... "you think u know it all... WELL DONT FUCKING REVISE!" "Youve blown it Holly... 16, and youve blown it.." who the FUCK cries over exams? i dont even think i can talk to people anymore, i feel sick, im sick of my mates - even thought they havent done anything... its times like these u turn to conor oberst... i might not even go into school the morra... i might stay home and teach myself things, i dont want to talk to anyone... i dont want to revise, but i dont want to be a failure... i dont want to be like my mam n dad, i dont want to live in howdon all my life... but i dont want to do anything... 10 flipped me over/ this is side one

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]